Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I hate blogging without pictures to distract you from my words, but it seems many people were concerned about my latest words...the word "depressed" even came up and so I thought to update. I don't think my word choice of "inadequate" communicated clearly what my heart was feeling. It was not sadness or discontentment that set it off. I have never been a dreamer and sometimes wish I would've been when I was younger. But, I know that I can't change that. The only thing I ever remembered "dreaming" about was becoming a mother and becoming a teacher. I am proud I accomplished my dreams. and happy with where my life is. I love telling my students about my sisters and the dreams they accomplished: becoming a chiropractor, going to the Olympics, moving to the mountains, climbing mountains, traveling to exotic places, moving up the ranks in the military (and not paying for college), never having debt or worrying about finances (Lori)...

middle schoolers are easy to impress with stories like those!

My "inadequate" feeling is not about any of that.

It is a feeling that I wish there was more I could or would do with the life I'm blessed with. Could I give more of my "wealth" away?
Could I visit my gramma more often?
Could I finish the projects around my house...ever?
...without starting a new one?
Could I raise money for a cause without there being a reason?
Could I pray for my neighbors?
Could I like more people?

I can't force anything...when I do, it flops. I'm not worried that I am not doing enough right now because there is very little room on my "plate".

I keep up with my family (ugh! wish I could do more there!)
I spend time with my kids...as much as I can since they are in daycare everyday...
I date my husband.
I talk to the neighbors...and cut down a few trees for the one on crutches.
I try to visit Gramma once a week (sorry about last week Mim-dog!)
I teach...and love...my 150 some kids at school.
If I didn't teach, I sure would miss this...
I dream of projects to make for people...when will I get to do them?

So...no worries. I am just trying to keep my focus so that I don't get caught up in the blur of life and the speed it seems to be at...and ever increasing as I get OLDER!

No regrets...you have to make choices to prevent regrets...I am not saying I wish I could have or should have or would have...yet. I hope I never get to the point that I say that...

Make sense?

If you got this far...know this...all pictures next time! :-)

Thanks for caring...my few who follow!

1 comment:

The Canadian said...

I think your thoughts speak for a lot of us!! :)