This post is long overdue and is the reason I have not posted anything in over a month.
I wanted to say this all perfectly, but I know I didn't...
Here's to Roger: the man who calls me "Sweetie"
regardless of how I've treated him or how crabby I've been.
I distinctly remember when Roger and I were dating that I knew there were things about Roger I thought would change (with a bit of training, of course).
For example...he would leave the water running the whole time while shaving and then, when he was done, he would drape the washcloth over the spout...
yep, it still drives me nuts.
You'd think the training was not going so well.
Just recently I realized his aversion to the using up the last of the toilet paper.
He says food tastes better the louder you chew.
When I asked him to teach me how to play golf, he said, "um, hit it really hard."
He loves the color blue...he wanted our first house to be blue...and every wall in it.
We even registered for blue cups for our wedding and
all of his shirts at one time had some blue in it.
I can't say all of that has changed, but...
I still find that washcloth hanging over the spout.
We are down to 3 big blue glasses and 4 small ones...the others have broken.
We have a four-year-old that eggs him on about chewing loudly.
And...in our new house, I painted our bedroom blue without any prompting from Roger.
I think the only way to love is to grow in love.
If you think you fell in love,
you were probably so delirious from the fall that you weren't really seeing straight.
Growing and changing because of conflict is not always pleasant and can be horribly painful,
but if you don't know pain, how can you know what healing is? or forgiveness?
We work together. We share. We understand.
We step aside and step in for one another.
I can't say we have the perfect relationship, and I can't say we never squabble.
(I'll try not to make things appear better than they are...
I can't stand it when things appear better than they are...like in movies when the music is playing during a monologue by the love-struck man...blah, blah, blah...hurl--
or, anything you find in a Nicholas Sparks book/movie...yikes!)
What I mean is, Roger has always had work ethic and has never been lazy, but it took me long time to appreciate his ability to relax. I am thankful: I now know the feeling.
He has taught me how to appreciate mindless TV shows like 90210, Bachelor, and Glee. We also have to stay up on American Idol...we don't need those shows to have each other and to relax together, but it sure makes it fun! :-)
He works hard...
(Wait, is that a Jonas Brothers T-shirt?!)(yep...thanks, Lori...)
Back to my point:
Roger works hard. For the first time in our lives together, I know what Roger's goals are.
He pours himself into his business and has set his sights on where he wants it to be.
And, he wants to make me happy.
Another thing I remember distinctly was that I doubted Roger could do many things. I've learned that my doubts limited him so much. I thought I could do everything. I didn't want to need him. I didn't ask him to do anything because I didn't think he could do it as well as me...
I was wrong.
I have (wrongfully) joked that Roger's two tools are batteries and light bulbs. You see, I learned how to use tools and I like to use tools. I remember thinking as a teenager that I should learn to use tools because I may marry a man that doesn't. So...
Now we have a system: Roger buys the materials and does the heavy lifting;
I put it together.
Can't that be the way it's supposed to be?
It took me a few years, but I started asking Roger for help. I put my resentment aside (resentment that I created) and allowed him to help me. I think he had been waiting for years for this to happen (perhaps unknowingly). The day he said his goal in life was to make my life as stress-free as possible was when I realized that he was so willing.
...how can he possibly do that????
It's as simple as Roger waking up with the kids in the morning when I just...can't; it's Roger getting the kids dressed while I get myself ready in the morning; Roger always does the driving (even in a blizzard, driving a mere 30 mph, taking us 8.5 hours instead of 5 hours to get to my parents' house and I fall asleep); it's when he gets the snack ready and vacuums when we have small group at our house;
he plays with the kids;
he pays the bills; he mows the lawn (yes, while blasting his ipod and so then I will have to deal with a hard-of-hearing husband by the time he's 35, but I don't have to mow!); Roger gets us everywhere either on time or early (how? to get 4 miles down the road, we start heading toward the door a half hour before we have to be to church-no kidding!); I may prepare the menu and cook ahead of time...but Roger heats it up, sets the table, and gets dinner on the table when I get home from teaching...so all I have to do is help with the "presentation" and sit down with my wine;
we've figured out what I need and what he needs:
I get to stay at home in the evenings and weekends (unless I make plans)
and he gets to run errands, go to the store to pick up bananas
(to get out of the house to be around people because that is how he is energized),
and make plans with his "boys" to watch a pay-per-view UFC match.
There was a time in our marriage that I told Roger I knew God put us together for some reason, but I didn't know what that reason was.
I think God's just a genius.
(that makes me giggle because Roger is trying to convince Owen that his daddy's a genius)
God knew we would.
And when I'm not feelin' so much love...I pray.
God gives me more than I thought possible and fills me where I lack.
I don't think it's right to say I need Roger...
but I sure don't want to live without him!
I love him more than I did on our wedding day because...
Not only do I love who Roger is, but I love who he is growing to be!