Thursday, March 06, 2014

Picture day! and then some...

I started this post oh so long ago...
We took family photos in November...if that tells you anything!
Good thing my gramma doesn't have access to a reliable computer
or she would have said something about me not posting in awhile!  :-)
But, I need to get caught up because she is heading North next week!
Back to her computer where she has her bookmarks!

I had to ask Gabby to remind me of something this morning.
It was crazy, I was crabby and on edge and I didn't know why.

Sounds were grinding my nerves like burlap on an open wound.
Liam's screams (because he lacks words), 
Gabby's whines that Liam took her drawing,
Owen's bursts of impatient demands,
the buzz of the monitor that no one had turned down or off,
the blaring talk sports talk radio when I turned my car on...roger...

When you live with kids, you can't shut off the noise--
earplugs even let in the noises you mean to shut out.
(Go ahead, judge...)
And order kept slipping through my jello fingers!
Rice Krispies and crayons on the floor I just swept,
the tub of match-box cars--dumped...again,
a trail of food in Liam's being my attempt to subside the screams,
the forgotten bird floating in a big pot on the stove...
I'd shut off the heat with the intention of skimming out the bones 
and freezing my fresh batch of chicken stock....ugh!

And as we stomp out the door...
a fight erupts...never fails.
Now tell me this:
How am I suppose to teach my kids to not yell at each other 
when I end up yelling at them for yelling at each other?  
And then, to teach them NOT to yell at ME 
when I just yelled at them???
Yelling...more noise.
Is this one of those learned behavior things????

So, Gabby..."Can you please remind Momma, 
when she gets impatient and frustrated...
'Momma--go get you some Bible!'"

She thought I was being funny and said she wouldn't.

It feels good to get centered...peaceful...
It only comes when I throw up my hands and say,
"I can't do it--this life is Yours, God. 
Bless me this day with 
I fail when I coast...
Fill me where I lack..."

And then, I can shut out the noise 
and love 
and breathe 
and maybe even encourage someone else who is hurting.  
This life is not about the small's not about me...

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